When Things Get Tough

I have been having one of those days. A day where everything seems to pile up and that light at the end just seems so far away. A day that made me want to jump back into bed and throw the blanket over my head.

Along with the usual stresses and annoyances (like cracking my rear-view mirror pulling out of the garage today), I also had appointments for my breast MRI and pelvic ultrasound. This is the second time I have had to go through the process of having BRCA-related check ups. And while, they aren’t the worse thing in the world, the weight of it all kind of takes its toll. It definitely brings out the emotional side of me, that’s for sure.  

My ultrasound went well. I had one in July, so I knew what to expect. For those who are interested, it’s a simple procedure. The following section details some breast and vagina talk. Skip over if this is not your thing.

First, I got undressed from the waist down, then covered up with a hospital gown. Then the technician, looked at my ovaries through my stomach by using gel and an instrument on my lower abdomen. For this, I had to have a full bladder so she could see it on the screen and use it as a marker. It’s pretty uncomfortable to have someone pushing down on your belly when your bladder is full, but I got through it.

I was told to use the bathroom and return to the room. I then had to put my feet in stirrups at the end of the exam table and scoot my butt the to very end (just like when you get your yearly gyno exams.) I was completely covered. The technician had me insert the prob myself, so she was never around my area. When the probe was in, she looked around my uterus and on the screen of the machine until she was able to see my ovaries. This took about 15 minutes total. And while it was a little uncomfortable, it wasn’t a huge deal.

After the procedure, I was able to sit back up. The technician told me my ovaries looked good, but she wanted to show my film to the on-site doctor. I had to remain undressed and covered in case the doctor wanted a second look. Luckily, everything checked out. My ovaries looked good and I was able to get dressed and go on my way.

The building for my breast MRI was right next door, so I walked over there and checked in. I was called back and started going through my family history and medical history with the technician. When she realized that I was at the end of my cycle, she told me I probably wouldn’t be able to get my MRI today.

When I was booking my appointment, no one told me that I was to get my MRI during days 7-14 of my cycle, because otherwise there’s too many hormones at play and it can be hard to get a clear picture. So I got myself all mentally prepared for an IV and MRI for nothing.

So for anyone in a similar situation, book your MRI during the middle of your cycle. Day 1 of your cycle is the first day of your period. Then you go from there. So it looks like once my period comes, I will need to re-book my MRI, then go through the whole process again.

Overall, none of these procedures are bad. It could definitely be a lot worse that’s for sure. But it’s hard to stay level headed at times, because it is an emotional, scary thing. Sometimes the weight of it all just gets to me. So this morning was a little stressful. I had a good cry on the phone with mom afterwards because it was just how I was feeling at the time.

And then when I got to work, and started reading about Martin Luther King Jr. and all that people had to say on this day, I started to change my outlook. Everyone out there is fighting a battle. Everyone has their struggles. Everyone has bad days. It’s how you choose to overcome those things, that make you who you are.

If not for King and the other brave leaders of the Civil Rights Movement, life as we know it today would not exist. If not for King, Marcus and I would not be able to legally get married. Imagine our (future) marriage being outlawed simply because our race. Who knows what the United States would be like today without the dedication, love, strength and courage of Martin Luther King, Jr.

I just need to remember that there are going to be things in life that are scary, unpleasant, stressful, sad, unfair….But more than that, there is going to be good and my life will be filled with love and joy. And those are the things worth focusing on.

“Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.”  – Martin Luther King, Jr.

Have a good one!

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3 responses to “When Things Get Tough

  1. You are amazing! Thanks for posting and being so strong.

  2. Pingback: I’m Glad That’s Over With |

  3. I’m sorry about the BRCA1. My mom is crluentry in chemo for stage 2 breast cancer, and I hope you can avoid it. How inspirational to hear how you’re trying to keep your food healthy!

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